Birthdays and Mother's Days


I was actually born on Mother’s Day in Honolulu, Hawaii.  Ironic thing is that my Mother and I do not have such a warm and fuzzy relationship.  Well, actually, I take that back.  It is indeed warm and fuzzy when she’s around, but she tends to disappear every now and then and well, then it’s not warm and fuzzy anymore.

She was a teenage mom and left my 3 year old brother and my one year old self on what seemed like a regular afternoon.  She said she was running out to do an errand, but she was really just running out.

I don’t think she ever really forgave herself for leaving us, which makes it challenging to have an adult relationship today.  But I’ve forgiven her and now I’m just waiting for her to come around.  After being angry and sad for many years,   I realized that above all, she did give Life to me.  

So my birthdays have always been kinda bittersweet.  I am celebrating my 3rd birthday in the photo above and I know I was wondering if she would even remember or if a gift from her would magically appear amongst the pile of gifts from grandma, aunties and uncles, as they sometimes would.

But as time has gone by, I’ve realized that all of us must truly learn to be the Mother of our own Selves.  And maybe I say that because I never had the “cookie-baking-Mom,” but I still think it’s a healthy and wonderful skill to cultivate:  mothering/nurturing ourselves.  So Happy Birthday (Hau’oli La Hanau) to me!  :-)