In this episode, we do a quick rundown of the ‘six stages of coming out’ in The Cass Identity Model. The Cass Identity model is one of the theories of gay and lesbian identity development, developed in 1979 by Vivienne Cass.

After that, each of us tells our coming out stories.

The Cass Identity Model

Stage 1 – Identity Confusion: You begin to wonder whether you may be LGBTQ; may experience denial and confusion, amazement.

Stage 2 – Identity Comparison: You accept the possibility that you may be LGBTQ and possibly face feeling social isolation.

Stage 3 – Identity Tolerance: You may feel increased isolation as your self-concept becomes increasingly different from society’s expectation of you. You begin to make contact with members of the LGBTQ community.

Stage 4 – Identity Acceptance: You have resolved most of the questions concerning your sexual identity, and continue increasing contact with the LGBTQ community.

Stage 5 – Identity Pride: You begin to feel pride in being part of the LGBTQ community and immerse yourself in the culture. You may feel angry with the heterosexual community.

Stage 6 – Identity Synthesis: You integrate your sexual identity with other aspects of yourself. Intense anger and/or pride you may have felt related to being LGBTQ, decreases, and you start to feel you can be your whole self with others, whether they’re straight or not.

Siena’s Coming Out Story

covers topics like

• same-sex relationships within her family: aunts and uncles who had “friends”

• “friend” as something less-than

• the culture of passive politeness

• toleration vs. affirmation

• same-sex couples among classmates

• the norms of PDA (public displays of affection) for straight relationships vs. for LGBTQ relationships

• discrimination and the struggle to be seen, even within the LGBTQ community

Toast’s Coming Out Story

covers topics like

• Stage Zero: learning there was even such a thing as non-heterosexual

• the culture of Evangelical Christianity

• k.d. lang and the power of popular culture

• the first time someone asked point black: “So are you gay?”

• research, reflection, and reading: self-study on our collective human history; civil rights, comparisons of different cultural understandings of sexuality, religion, science, and politics

• two decades re-formulating a sense of self, creating a conceptual model for making sense of reality, existence, and the spiritual experience

The coming out process is a lifelong process. Welcome to life!

*We recorded this episode on Sun. Jun. 21, 2020 which marked our 101st day of self-quarantine during the global COVID-19 pandemic, amid a fresh realization in the broad social consciousness, of the presence and wrongness of structural racism in society.