27 The Quiet Despair of Not Living Up To Your True Self…And What To Do About It
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The problem is: that feeling that you’re not living up to Who You’re Meant To Be.
The problem is: you feel like your true self has a certain quality to it, but (for some reason!) it’s just not coming through to your real life. It’s so hard to be that person.
The problem is: you know what Henry was talking about when he said…
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”
Well, here’s the good news.
It’s not your fault, and, there’s a way to solve this problem!
The truth is that we live in a super, SUPER noisy world.
It’s kind of amazing that you’re even able to still sense the “still, small voice” inside you, that keeps urging you to Be More.
This urging is coming from your Soul, and it’s the voice for truth.
But…
You’ve been inundated with other voices since before you were born.
authority figures like parents, teachers, coaches, doctors, or clergy
peers at school, at work, at the gym, at church or in community groups
culture at large, on T.V., online, movies, ads, government, industry
Argh!!!
There are voices in your head.
You’ve been surrounded by them, and you internalized them.
And their messages got hardened into what’s called a paradigm
A PARADIGM is a mental model of reality, an assumption of how things are.
It ends up telling you what to believe about what’s safe, and best, and appropriate for you to be, do, have, and give.
Some aspects of paradigms are good: look both ways before you cross the street.
Some aspects of paradigms hold us back:
Who do you think you are, to think you have something to offer to the world?
You don’t have enough influence to really matter, so just stay in the corner and don’t make a fool of yourself.
You’ve failed before, so just stop trying; that way, you’ll save yourself the work and disappointment.
Sounds harsh? But sound familiar?
The amazing thing – about you – is that, even through all of those other voices…
you still have the Voice For Truth in you!
Something in you knows – or at least suspects – those dark messages are not The Real Truth.
And you’re right!
But.
To overcome the dark messages and actually act on The Real Truth, you need to change your paradigms.
There are two ways to change paradigmS:
with a strong emotional experience
with consistent repeated exposure to, and engagement with, the new paradigms
#1 is what’s sometimes called a “come to Jesus moment.”
It can be ‘good’ or ‘bad.’
a dire health diagnosis
being fired
falling in love
finding out your partner is cheating on you
the death of a loved one
the birth of a child
The super tricky thing is…
As powerful as “come to Jesus moments” are,
a new paradigm won’t stick…unless we have consistent reinforcement
We’ve all experienced this.
It’s so frustrating!
You have a moment, or even a week, of glorious inspiration!
It feels life-changing, in that moment.
But…you find yourself returning to your old ways, your life doesn’t really change.
How come???
You didn’t have consistent reinforcement.
That’s all.
“Use it, or lose it.”
You just need tools and structures and support to help you act out and act from, the mindset of the new paradigm.
Put another way: people who live in Japan tend to learn Japanese, even without a strong emotional experience (the first method of changing a paradigm).
Why?
Simple.
They’re surrounded by tools and structures and are supported in acting out and acting from that paradigm.
You just need to set-up a similar situation for yourself.
One of our dreams is to be part of a sustainable structure of support just like this, for you.
It’s a huge part of why we do this podcast.
We want to make it fun, doable, and to be a form of encouragement, not just some faraway dream.
